Africa by Toto wakes me up, my phone screen flinging fluorescent light into my face. It's 6.30am so I hit snooze. 6.40am. 6.50am. Yikes, I've got 2 minutes to shower and leave or I won't get to work on time. I feel hollow from lack of sleep. Dang, there are no ironed shirts left. Definitely a jumper day, then.
Dang β why oh why did I keep scrolling mindlessly until the small hours? Oh yes, someone on the internet was wrong, and it was essential that I should plumb the depths of every rabbit hole to prove it β right then, last night, from my phone.
Arriving at the office one minute late, I fling a banana skin in the bin as I walk to my desk.
Later in the evening, I flop down, exhausted. No gym this morning nor tonight. I need to get to bed early after relaxing. I'll watch a few videos and reply to some messages. An hour later I'm hungry but I couldn't be bothered to pick up any food on the way home so I have a snack concocted hastily. I need to do some work for a community group I'm in. I'm too tired tonight, I'll have to do it in the morning. It's 11.00pm and I've missed my plan to get to bed early. And I haven't done what I needed to. Tomorrow I need to make up for my poor performance at work today. I reach over to turn off my phone and a notification catches my eye. Next thing I find myself on the same treadmill. Email, YouTube, news. Finally, with a heroic effort, I throw the phone away, alarm set for 6.30am.
My alarm wakes me up at 6.30am. I lie there groggy. I'm the kind of guy who makes sure to exercise, though, so I peep a leg into the cold. Then the other. 6.45am I am at the gym, 7.30am I'm off to work. I've listened to an interesting podcast and have prayed too, I feel good. Lunchtime I go for a walk. I shut down the computer at home time and cycle home, looking forward to dinner. I catch up on the day with my wife and wash up. There's time for half an hour to watch something light. I have a few moments more to myself, attend to some last messages on my phone then switch it off and leave it on the table downstairs. After getting ready for bed, there's time for some last conversation and prayer. We read for a few minutes in the low light and drop off to sleep.
Two days, two versions of me that I know too well. One is a hell to avoid, the other is a heaven to aim for.
Your routine and desires for your day may be different but you'll see where I am going here. One day is characterised by self-control, good order and a sense of deep and satisfying achievement. The other day is characterised by poor discipline, disorder and a sense of "being behind", unprepared and unhappy.
These days compound. A few bad days and your life really starts to unravel fast. A few good days strung together and your life starts to hum along very nicely indeed.
You'll find, of course, that it isn't just that you that's affected, but your relationships with family, friends and colleagues, too.
So, what's the difference? Chiefly: your smartphone.
I would hazard to guess that you, dear reader, spend far longer on it than you think is good.
What's the best thing you can do to turn things around?
Buy an alarm clock. Have a no-tech zero-tolerance bedroom rule. Turn your phone off and leave it outside the room. Do not turn it on until at least 15 minutes after waking, and not until you have prepared for the day: be that prayer, meditation, journaling.
Why will this revolutionise your life?
Evening phone use is too stimulating for you and disrupts your natural rhythms. Morning phone use pollutes the clarity of thought and freshness that we can tap into to do some good things with our time.
Now, you may well be on board with banishing the phone from your bedroom. However, if you're like me, however, you don't actually know how to make this aspiration a reality.
The good news is that there is a simple and reliable way to inculcate new habits and re-direct bad ones.
We need to work on a system level, and to largely forget about the end goal. The first thing to do is form the meta-habit of tracking your habit. In this case, we want to be reminded on a daily basis that we have resolved to take the step of keeping our phone out of the bedroom. In my experience there are three aspects to this.
Firstly, make a public declaration of your new habit and find someone to hold you to account. They should be exacting and reliable so that they won't be swayed by your excuses.
Secondly, find a way of tracking your habits. You can use the "Loop Habit Tracker" app or simply text your accountability partner. Or use a fun physical solution: a star chart stuck to your fridge. Put a financial penalty in place for when you fail to log your habit (not for failing in the habit), or some physical hardship. You're allowed to miss one day without penalty.
Thirdly, set up a way to remind yourself to track the habit, agreed with your accountability buddy.
Now let's think through the detail of how to ensure that you will follow through with keeping the phone out of the bedroom.
Are there any obstacles to me committing to this idea? Common ones include: I need it for my alarm; I reply to messages last thing at night; I have apps that I use last thing at night or first thing in the morning. Perhaps you like to fall asleep listening to an audiobook. Whatever your objection, there will be a way around it. For example, you can get an old iPod to play audiobooks on.
When will you turn off your phone? To be asleep by 11pm (when it takes 20 minutes to read and journal once in bed, 10 minutes to brush your teeth and sort out your bedroom) you need to turn your phone off at 10.30pm. If you need to sort out some last-minute admin on your phone for 15 minutes before switching it off, then you need to start that at 10.15pm.
Ok, now we need to figure out a way to trigger this shut down routine.
Our habits are strongly cued by association: sights, smells, taste, sounds, location. A good idea is to decide where you will do your last shut down phone use and what activity it will follow. You could associate putting the kettle on to make yourself a hot drink as the trigger and a particular chair to sit in.
Determine a specific place for your phone to go for its bedtime. A stool next to a plug, the kitchen table, a hallway table?
You will conjure endless objections to all these suggestions. The adage is true, however, that where there is a will, there is a way. And your will is strongest when planning in advance, not relying on it in the moment.
A powerful aspect of getting your new habit embedded is replacing the enjoyment you gain from your current habit with something else you like doing. You need to have something in your bedroom that is more enjoyable than having your phone. Many like to read before bed: choose something that you do absolutely love reading. My go-to for when I haven't found a gripping new book is a comic. You may look forward to conversation, a crossword, some stretching, gratitude journaling or lovemaking.
What's the bigger picture here? When we practice new behaviours, our very character changes. We are becoming more virtuous, reigning in our animal desires, integrating them healthily with our human reason and will.
These good qualities were classically called the four cardinal virtues: Temperance (self-control), Justice, Courage and Prudence (practical wisdom, or wise decision-making). They derive from Ancient Greek philosophy in Plato and Aristotle, were taken up by the Stoics and later developed further by Thomas Aquinas and others in Christian theology. All agree that possessing these virtues lead to a flourishing and happy human being.
When we regulate our phone use, we are exercising Temperance. When we participate in the virtue of Temperance (or self-control), we are indeed becoming more temperate. You will notice that in exercising Temperance in phone use, you will give your work better attention, you will have capacity to spend quality time with your children and listen to your spouse: you are thereby also exercising Justice.
You are exercising Courage when you choose to tackle this problem of phone use in your life. It takes Courage to change, particularly if you ask for accountability to help you keep on track with keeping your phone out of the bedroom and to persevere through the days when it is harder to follow through with your commitment.
We can (and must) start small and gradually build our new behaviour one bitesize habit at a time. If you want to learn more about habit science, living a more fulfilling life, and growing in virtue, I recommend beginning with Atomic Habits by James Clear, then moving on to Digital Minimalism by Cal Newport and Superhabits by Dr Andrew Abela.
What are you waiting for? Buy an alarm clock today.
This article is re-printed with kind permission of Bedrock magazine β make sure to get their latest edition over at https://bedrockmagazine.com/magazine_issues/β
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